They Can't Be Serious

•CAPITOL STEPS PERFORMANCE SLATED FOR FEB 23
•MASS EVACUATION IN THE HAM, 19 KILLED IN HUMAN STAMPEDE
•Political Satire Music Troupe Makes Mark Russell Sound Like Mark Twain
•"KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY? IF THEY ALL SUDDENLY CAUGHT ON FIRE! HA HA HA HA!!!"
•By switters™

(By the way, the Zionist "punch line" gets dropped on BotF sometime this week. Might be interesting to see who shows up.)

I like funny. Often I try to be funny, sometimes on purpose. Like maybe I'd write something like this gem to garner a few chuckles if not some outright table-slappers:

Subject: Han Solo, Bipolar Retard
From: Tom_Robbins
Date: Mar 11 1997 2:35 AM

Yeah, so I'm watching The Empire Strikes Back again when they're all on that frozen planet and Han and Chewy are picking off those spy droids one-by-one. So they're all back at the Ice Bat Cave after having done some recon when all of a sudden it turns out Luke, doofus extraordinaire, has gone missing.

So Han mounts up on his alien space llama to go look for him, when this lieutenant dude, concerned for his safety, says, "But sir, your tonton will freeze before you reach the first marker!" Pretty reasonable, right?

And what does Han say in response? Does he say, "Really? Dang. Do we have some extra skins we can put on him so he doesn't freeze? Like a poncho thingie? Or maybe some hot water bottle contraption to keep him alive so that I'm able to proceed beyond the first marker?"

Does he say that? No. What does he say?

Han says, "Then I'll see you in hell." That's what he says.

…

Uhh… Can someone explain to me just what it was that Ensign Can I. HaveMyHeadBack said that warranted all the hostility from Captain KessleRun B. WhoGivesAFuck? Little harsh there, Solo. Anger management class at The Rebellion School for Non-Assholes, anyone? Sheesh!

You know, the classics. Wonderful!

Anyways, the promo my local NPR affiliate is running nearly nonstop ubiquitously consists of an announcer not even trying to sound like Don LaFontaine saying, "In a world where democrats hold the majority in the House and Senate…" or something, and then the one Capitol Stepper gal with a vibrato that has the range of your average boomerang sings, to the tune of "Everything's Coming Up Roses", "…everything's run by Pelosi…" Then announcer dipshit comes back and says something like, "… A world where the president seeks to repair our international image…", the dude who sounds more like George Costanza than George Bush sings, to the tune of "Stand By Your Man", "… stand by Japan…"

That's hilarious!

Something tells me that those are the 2 funniest moments of the show, which doesn't bode well for the evening.

Here's the thing, though: I often go out of my way to listen to each and every Capitol Steps special in some kind of weird masochistic attempt at testing my threshold of pain and tolerance. (Unless you've been having sexual intercourse in outer space for the last 8 months it should come as little surprise to you that I'm not a very tolerant person, especially when it comes to such things, and whatnot.) And you know what? The audience is laughing its collective ass off, quite possibly even rolling around on the floor in some cases, like many of you are oft prone to doing.

And I don't know whether to be more worried about that phenomenon or our current runaway hit on 24-hour news channels across the globe, our planet: The War In Vietnam, Part II: Refusing To Learn From Our Mistakes.

Way to close to call.

Oh, by the way (at the risk of repeating myself again), each and every one of you who voted to reelect President George W. Bush is in some way responsible for the deaths of each and every one of the American G.I.s killed since November 3ish, 2004. Good going!

Oh, and for the record: I'll stop dehumanizing people in the Middle East when they start acting like, well, human beings instead of like, well, rabid dogs. And that's sugar-coating it. The sooner we realize nothing's sacred, the sooner we'll be able to appreciate the fact that life actually is, but isn't to certain people. Let's just say that I'd rather my nieces' and nephews' babysitters were Israeli rather than Palestinian. To my estimation there's a better chance of my nieces and nephews not exploding that way. But that could be just me.