Sunday, February 04, 2007

Outline for a Compendium of Non-Musical Sounds

Part I – Tagine

  • Chopping and Cutting


    • Knife through onion
    • Preserved lemon between thumb and forefinger.
    • Barely audible swish of knife through chicken skin.
    • Fork fluffing couscous.
    • Crushing garlic with side of blade.
    • Chicken pieces landing on softened onions
    • Chicken, lemon, olives, couscous, teeth.


    • Knife on keyboard.
    • Wooden spoon on cast iron pan (flattening more garlic).


    • Joint where thigh meets breast.
    • Coffee (cross-reference: electric sounds).

  • Splashing


    • Overflowing from glass into sink.
    • Tap running.
    Sound in mouth. (Note: do others make the same sound? Can they hear me?)


    • Slurping.
    • Disguised slurping following dirty look from wife.
    • Pour into glass.
    • Waves within glass.

  • More Grinding

    • Teeth
    • Mixing couscous and sauce. Fork makes muted grinding sound. (Investigate further.)

  • Chewing

  • Swallowing

    (perhaps this last item is too musical for list)


JohnMcG said...

This Seinfeld was on here last night, which includes this sequence:

ELAINE: Well, I hear three distinct sounds. A low rumple...followed by a metallic 'squink'...

GEORGE: Yes! Yes, I heard the 'squink'!

ELAINE: ...followed by a mysterious...'glonk.'

Schadenfreude said...

(Lister and Cat are playing Scrabble. Cat lays down all seven letters across a triple-word score)
Lister: What? "JOZYXQE"? That's not a word!
Cat: Sure it is! It's a Cat word.
Lister: OK, what's it mean?
Cat: It's the sound you make when you have your sexual organs trapped in something...
Lister: Is it in the dictionary?
Cat: Well it could be, if you were reading in the nude and you close the book too fast!
[mimes "close the dictionary" action] JOZZYYYXYXYXYYXAHSQukjrfQADS!!!

Dawn Coyote said...

Umm - I neglected to say that I loved this.

I loved this.

twiffer said...

if your onion squishes, it's too old.

i don't even want to know why the knife was on the keyboard.

you're a bastard, cause now i want to make soup.

august said...

John -- a classic.

Schad -- is "Cat" short for Catnapping?

Dawn -- Thanks.

Twif -- It could be a problem with the knife.

twiffer said...

august: sharpen your knives. also, i think schad is referencing some canadian show. or a british one.

Schadenfreude said...


Red Dwarf

Lister has been in suspended animation for 3 million years. Cat is a life-form evolved from his cat. They are stranded in space thousands of light-years from Earth.

They have a lot of time on their hands...