Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Questions to ponder....

Just some idle questions on yet a-fargin'-nother Snow Day with the kids driving me crazy...

... Who bewitches a man more? the Circe who lures him off to lands unknown, or the Martha who keeps him coming home every night?

... Who bewitches a woman more; the Cassanova who lures her off into the sunset, or the Ralph whose dinner she has on the table every night?

... How is it that kids can't remember their times tables, but all of them know seventeen verses to "Mary had a Steamboat" and "Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School" and the phone number of at least 17 of their friends off the top of their head?

... How is it that they all know the same words? I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and my kids are growing up in Seattle, but they are bringing home the same words to the same songs and the same lame jokes. This also includes kids who grew up in several other countries and still know. How is this information passed down perfectly to the next generation, in a uniform fashion all over the world? Can we harness it, somehow?

... Who the heck gives out permits to move double-wide construction equipment down the main artery roads during rush hour only on the days I have important meetings at 9 am? Do they spend any time in dark alleys? Which ones?

... Why does tea leave a much nastier stain on the inside of your coffee cup than coffee, but your doctor still claims that it is better for you?

... Why are the stars and galaxies described as "countless" but they are named with numbers?

... What is with the current fashion to buy an $80,000 car in that particularly fruity shade of yellow? Is it so they match the centerline of the roads for camoflage? Is it some sort of International Yellow conspiracy? Or is it just that their taste is only in their mouth?

... When we admire someone else why do we ask, "How do you do it?" You've done it. I've done it. Is there an alternative I'm not aware of?

6 comments:

Schadenfreude said...

1. The woman closest to him.
2. I have no idea.
3. Because times tables are no fun.
4. Because those songs are written in universal kids code. No, we can't harness it.
5. Idiots.
6. Tannin.
7. We're just too lazy to count them all, so we pretend that we can't.
8. The latest colour always seems to be the one that they made too much of this year.
9. Because that's what we admire - the ability to do something that we can't even imagine doing.

twiffer said...

what he said. particularly on number 6.

JohnMcG said...

Does anybody remember phone numbers anymore? In the age of speed dials and programmable cell phones, I sometimes have to think when I write down my own phone number.

TenaciousK said...

Who bewitches a man more? the Circe who lures him off to lands unknown, or the Martha who keeps him coming home every night?
Martha Circe – the one who has the power to lure me off to lands unknown, and keep me coming home to her every night.

Who bewitches a woman more; the Cassanova who lures her off into the sunset, or the Ralph whose dinner she has on the table every night?
Ralph Cassanova (I recommend Martha keep her maiden name, BTW). Same answer as the last one, from the other side.

How is it that kids can't remember their times tables, but all of them know seventeen verses to "Mary had a Steamboat" and "Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School" and the phone number of at least 17 of their friends off the top of their head?
Priorities. Priorities usually have more to do with impressing potential boy/girlfriends and elevating one’s social status than impressing parents and teachers.

How is it that they all know the same words? I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and my kids are growing up in Seattle, but they are bringing home the same words to the same songs and the same lame jokes. This also includes kids who grew up in several other countries and still know. How is this information passed down perfectly to the next generation, in a uniform fashion all over the world? Can we harness it, somehow?
Six degrees of separation is not really very far at all.

Who the heck gives out permits to move double-wide construction equipment down the main artery roads during rush hour only on the days I have important meetings at 9 am? Do they spend any time in dark alleys? Which ones?
Same guy whose working security at the local Walmart and sending the coded message for the clerk to slow down, chit-chat, and call for interminable price checks when I’m too far up in line to want to move.

Why does tea leave a much nastier stain on the inside of your coffee cup than coffee, but your doctor still claims that it is better for you?
So long as they’re both caffeinated, do we really care? Doesn’t tea have theophyline or something in it? Better for your asthma, I guess.

Why are the stars and galaxies described as "countless" but they are named with numbers?
Oh, we know they’re not countless – we just know we’re going to have to invent new numbers to count them all. It’s a joint process.

What is with the current fashion to buy an $80,000 car in that particularly fruity shade of yellow? Is it so they match the centerline of the roads for camoflage? Is it some sort of International Yellow conspiracy? Or is it just that their taste is only in their mouth?
What screams feigned indifference more loudly than an extremely expensive method of showing you’re above considering what is fashionable, or in good taste? These are the people who care enough to go to great lengths to show how little they care. Think of it as a Yin-Yang thing.

When we admire someone else why do we ask, "How do you do it?" You've done it. I've done it. Is there an alternative I'm not aware of?
Doesn’t everybody (well, except for Schad anyway) tend to discount their own, familiar strengths and stand in awe and admiration of people who do things we can’t? Really, I most admire the people who are “doing it” in a way that I really can’t, or who are “doing it” in an effortless way that would require a prohibitive effort, were I to attempt it.

Keifus said...

1,2: I find your "bewitching" to be a loaded word. "Familiar" is nearly an antonym to it. (And yet don't witches have familiars? WHat's up with that?)

3. What bugs me about those songs is that they've traversed years as easily as they've crossed geography. I don't much care to be transported back to the unseatbelted diesel chatter of the old yellow schoolbus...not for hours on end.

5. They're just as far as we've got. It should keep us busy for the foreseeable future.

6. They do it because you don't get it. I don't get it either...

K

Elbo Ruum said...

I vow to answer all questions with questions. The answers are much more compelling in this manner.

... Who bewitches a man more? the Circe who lures him off to lands unknown, or the Martha who keeps him coming home every night?

Who is the current target of his attention? Take that, and select the other.

Who bewitches a woman more; the Cassanova who lures her off into the sunset, or the Ralph whose dinner she has on the table every night?

Who bears the least resemblance to what she has? Take that, and select the other.

How is it that kids can't remember their times tables, but all of them know seventeen verses to "Mary had a Steamboat" and "Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School" and the phone number of at least 17 of their friends off the top of their head?

Which is more likely to impress their friends?

How is it that they all know the same words? I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and my kids are growing up in Seattle, but they are bringing home the same words to the same songs and the same lame jokes. This also includes kids who grew up in several other countries and still know. How is this information passed down perfectly to the next generation, in a uniform fashion all over the world? Can we harness it, somehow?

What is the miracle of the Cheese Wagon? It is the Tower of Babel to all things young.

Who the heck gives out permits to move double-wide construction equipment down the main artery roads during rush hour only on the days I have important meetings at 9 am? Do they spend any time in dark alleys? Which ones?

What sort of person would actively pursue a career where the primary crux of their job is to hand out permits? Follow that trail to a predictable conclusion.

Why does tea leave a much nastier stain on the inside of your coffee cup than coffee, but your doctor still claims that it is better for you?

Why do people believe that doctors are not just as stupid as the rest of us, given to fits of self-importance and unwarranted sagacity? If this were actually the case, we'd never need a second opinion, would we?

Why are the stars and galaxies described as "countless" but they are named with numbers?

Better question, what would you name them with? And when you ran out of those? And when you ran out of those? They are countless after all... Numbers seem like just the sort of thing you'll never run out of.

What is with the current fashion to buy an $80,000 car in that particularly fruity shade of yellow? Is it so they match the centerline of the roads for camoflage? Is it some sort of International Yellow conspiracy? Or is it just that their taste is only in their mouth?

Am I correct in assuming that, by this, you have some aesthetic issue with the sun?

When we admire someone else why do we ask, "How do you do it?" You've done it. I've done it. Is there an alternative I'm not aware of?

Do you find yourself asking this often? I've never asked it. Anyone else?

Meh.