'Alien Texts' Replagiarized

Having entered the contest, I was disappointed to find I didn’t make the top ten. I was also disappointed that some of the participants in Shad’s plagarized version didn’t enter like I did, since in my estimation, more than a few of them could have easily made it into the top ten. For example:

Chewy on the outside... crunchy on the inside. -- revrick

Dearest M'tzx'rr, hard to believe, but I've discovered the key to the universe here on the third planet from this insignificant sun. The secret of life is just -- Keifus

Unspoiled. The game is abundant, most conveniently gathered into "cities". Lots of nice salty drinking water and plenty of rocks for roughage. -- PepinTheDead

I'm a highly-developed life form capable of space-time travel. Tell me again Y I am texting this? -- TameCookie

women here have TWO breasts!!?!!!! men, sadly, but one penis :( -- august

And my entry: ALERT: Category 1 Biohazard Detected. Name: Humans. I concur with C1B protocols: monitored quarantine and retrofit of organic fail-safes (presence of suitable asteroids confirmed).