Why Santa is Better than Jesus

by the ReverendAlBacon

• Santa keeps his promises; Jesus makes hollow threats. Santa actually comes when He says He will. Jesus is always coming, but never actually arrives. The coming of Santa is a promise of delight yearly fulfilled; the coming of Jesus is a perpetual threat, never delivered.
  
  
• Santa claims to save no one, nor extorts belief. The democratic gospel of Santa assures us that He provides unstintingly even to non-believers; the churches of Jesus are a private club, for which the price of admission is obedience and the cost of exclusion is the threat of eternal pain.
  
  
• The churches of Jesus are a cult of death, and life as subservient to death. Santa is about life, and celebrating the superfluous pleasures that grace this life.
  
  
• The worship of Jesus revolves around discomfort, shame and cannibalism. The celebration of Santa revolves around food, drink, family, and gift-giving. Jesus attempts to extort near-constant attention and obeisance; Santa only claims our attention once a year.
  
  
• They're both voyeurs, but Santa doesn't care about our sex lives; Jesus has an unhealthy obsession with them. Santa is happily married; Jesus was a sexually confused virgin who hung out with prostitutes.
  
  
• There is no church of Santa. There are no priests of Santa. There will never be a crusade for Santa, no Santa Inquisition. We may suspect that some shopping-mall Santa Clauses have pederastic sub-motives, but this is as nothing compared to the documented abuse of children within the churches.
  
  
• Santa loves the least among us -- drunks, drug addicts, the homeless -- and gives them a job every year, impersonating Him and His minions. Jesus claimed to love the poor, but he never provides them with seasonal employment.
  
  
• Santa loves to laugh and eat; Jesus bleeds and weeps.
  
  
• Santa gives to believing children all that is benign about an authentic religious experience, and little or none of what is disgusting.
  
  
• Above all, Santa is better than Jesus because everyone accepts that it is right and appropriate to stop believing in Santa as you start to become an adult; yet millions continue to think that adults can and should continue to believe in Jesus.

_{Reprinted with permission.}