Friday, December 08, 2006

Why Santa is Better than Jesus

by the ReverendAlBacon

  • Santa keeps his promises; Jesus makes hollow threats. Santa actually comes when He says He will. Jesus is always coming, but never actually arrives. The coming of Santa is a promise of delight yearly fulfilled; the coming of Jesus is a perpetual threat, never delivered.

  • Santa claims to save no one, nor extorts belief. The democratic gospel of Santa assures us that He provides unstintingly even to non-believers; the churches of Jesus are a private club, for which the price of admission is obedience and the cost of exclusion is the threat of eternal pain.

  • The churches of Jesus are a cult of death, and life as subservient to death. Santa is about life, and celebrating the superfluous pleasures that grace this life.

  • The worship of Jesus revolves around discomfort, shame and cannibalism. The celebration of Santa revolves around food, drink, family, and gift-giving. Jesus attempts to extort near-constant attention and obeisance; Santa only claims our attention once a year.

  • They're both voyeurs, but Santa doesn't care about our sex lives; Jesus has an unhealthy obsession with them. Santa is happily married; Jesus was a sexually confused virgin who hung out with prostitutes.

  • There is no church of Santa. There are no priests of Santa. There will never be a crusade for Santa, no Santa Inquisition. We may suspect that some shopping-mall Santa Clauses have pederastic sub-motives, but this is as nothing compared to the documented abuse of children within the churches.

  • Santa loves the least among us -- drunks, drug addicts, the homeless -- and gives them a job every year, impersonating Him and His minions. Jesus claimed to love the poor, but he never provides them with seasonal employment.

  • Santa loves to laugh and eat; Jesus bleeds and weeps.

  • Santa gives to believing children all that is benign about an authentic religious experience, and little or none of what is disgusting.

  • Above all, Santa is better than Jesus because everyone accepts that it is right and appropriate to stop believing in Santa as you start to become an adult; yet millions continue to think that adults can and should continue to believe in Jesus.

Reprinted with permission.


Melanie said...

Someone didn't do their research, and enjoys telling LIES!!!!!!!!! Sounds like your Santa ain't naughty naughty....but Jesus loves you, EVEN when you are naughty...that is why HE died for you. Did Santa do that? Ummmm and just so you know, Saint Nick....evolved out of the belief of CHRIST...that was the whole point of giving. Make sure you don't make ignorant assumptions about what YOU think is truth, before you actually really dig to get your FACTS straight. Enjoy your Holidays...which really is translated as HOLY DAYS...everything comes from GOD...even the Candy CANE...look that one up, and how it is all a reflection of Jesus in the first place. You surely didn't come from Santa now...did you?