Friday, December 22, 2006

2006/2007 New Year Fraysolutions

2006 New Year Fraysolutions

1.) Trick The_Bell into using the phrase "fucktarded thundercunt" in 1 of his topposts.

Okay, okay. But I've still got a couple days. Come on, Bell, help a brother out.

2.) Use less motherfucking profanity. [ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha]

I think I did.

3.) Revive the TV Club board, with angcho's, Splendid's, cristofurio's, rundeep's, lucabrasi's and Kevin's help.

Well, this did happen. But it was just because of those self-important The Wire freaks, so technically it shouldn't count. But I'm counting it anyway because I think they stole my idea. It's just that they, well, did it better. (Or did they?)

4.) Be less of an anti-Semitic Nazi sympathizer, but just on The Fray.

I think many of you will be surprised to learn that I've been much more anti-Semitic here than in real life. Much, much more. And racist.

5.) Finish "the basement". (I think all y'all know what I mean by "the basement" [i.e., "the fraysement"])

Yeah, uh, I really don't know what I meant by this one either.

6.) Post less. [chortle chortle chortle]

Ka-ching! (What?)

7.) Go to Waco and take andkathleen out for drinks at The Barnhills Buffet, appetizers at The Golden Corral, a nice dinner at Ryan's Steak House, and dessert at (The) Shoney's. If they don't have any of these fine eating establishments in Waco, drive back to The 'Ham, because we sure as shit do.

As soon as I crossed over the Alabama border, this ankle bracelet thingie just started going nuts – flashing, making a loud Whoop! Whoop! sound. And I think at one point my testicles were slightly numbed. So, no.

8.) Learn how to do links and italics and bold and interesting formatting and various icons like "trademark", &c., and so forth. Wait. Strike that. I'd lose my super powers.

Fuck super powers. Linking is way cool.

9.) Do many more movie reviews where I get the name of the movie wrong and the names of the actors mixed up, all while never having actually seen the movie itself.

I don't know. What do y'all think?

10.) Think about other posters' fraylings for a change. [single cricket chirp here]

Good news: That cricket's still a'chirpin'!

11.) Don't get banned. Again.

Unless you count dailykos, of course.

12.) Flame chummers and spam trawlers.

That got real old real quick, if all y'all recall.

13.) Do more posts about food, especially toast.

That worked out fine, but it was about food only insofar as it pertained to bodily orifices.

14.) Trick Betty_the_Crow into topposting about The O.C.

I don't know. The jury's still out.

15.) Convince Dana Stevens that Not In My Backyard is a new reality tv show about poor, uneducated black people displaced by an inadequate levee system in order to clear the way for the gentrification (i.e., "the white-trification") of New Orleans, when in actuality it's not a reality tv show; it's just reality.

Wouldn't you know it, but just as I was laying the groundwork for this gem of a scheme, they promoted (Promoted? Hmm…) Dana up to movie reviewer status when Dave E. left, and brought on Troy Patterson, who would never have fallen for something like that. Rats. Sorry, all.

2007 Fraysolutions

1.) Get Adam to change his frayeditor05 nic to either TheFlusher, please_shut_up, or Androgynator7.

2.) Get my very own column at Slate.

3.) Get Ender to come back.

4.) Get T to like me. (Again.)

5.) Get IOZ to come back.

6.) Get Kevin to start fraying on a regular basis.

7.) Convince Geoff to put my movie reviews side by side with Dana Stevens'.

8.) Trick Publius into using the phrase "insane retard".

9.) Leave the house more. (Good one!)

10.) Brood less.

11.) Ask C to marry me. Again.

12.) Cover the deck, add a wood burning stove, build another deck, finish the kitchen, paint the hall and guest bedroom, plant 15 tomato plants, and get back into swimming 1000 meters a day, at least 5 days a week, when the stupid fucking gym is actually fucking open.

13.) Spend less time here. (Good one!)

14.) Write.

15.) Be a little bit nicer to myself. (Good one!)

Wish me luck. See all y'all January 2, 2007, unless I see you first. Or I'm dead.

All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.
-Sally Brown


TenaciousK said...

Happy Holidays, Switters! Travel safely, and come back soon.

"I used to want to change the world. Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity." Lotus Weinstein (allegedly)

Keifus said...

1.) I've gone on enough about Adam. Suffice to say his unimaginative nickname suits him.

2.) Does Fraywatch count.

3.) Like asking the tide to come back.

4.) Shouldn't be tough. She's even needier than me (or you)

5.) Unlikely

6.) Get bacon and Lono to tempt him

7.) I wish

8.) He'd need more self-reflection.

9&10.) We're all pulling for you

11.) Dumb. You'll feel better telling her to fuck off. Better still to let it go.

12.) Will happen.

13.) Don't you fucking dare.

14.) Call it a wash.

15.) Why you hitting yourself?

Good luck. (Try not to think that you might be getting it.)


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Good heavens, Anon! You're giving us a different sort of bad name.

twiffer said...

who is T?