Sunday, March 11, 2007

Fucking Krispy Kremes.

Doesn’t everybody diet in the Spring?

I disagree with the sugared cardboard sentiment, BTW. The Krispy Kreme plain glazed, fresh off that incredible, Rube Goldbergesque doughnut making machine, is a work of (evil) art. They melt in your mouth (and slowly congeal around your midsection). Plus, they're light - you can eat a bunch of them.

Pure poison. A public health menace. I'm glad to see that a number of the retail stores hereabouts have closed.

I lost a lot of weight awhile back, but I’ve some of it back on (you know, stress, domestic laziness, tobacco-abstinent), so I’m back on the diet bandwagon in anticipation of summer.

I lost all my weight before by refusing to diet (though I didn't have much time to exercise, either). I decided diets are all about satiety, so I took all of the simple carbs away (incl. White flour, though I’ll continue to eat whole wheat flour), and most of the fats. I decided my body needed to reacquaint itself with glycogen production and utilization, and sugars were the absolute worst thing I could eat.

Splenda had just come out, and I developed a set of recipes that proved to be tremendously helpful. This was my most successful – I ate about a thousand of these (gotta’ have something to grab on the go, or when I’m craving carbs/have the munchies, etc.).

Killer diet bran muffins

Break up two bananas and microwave for two minutes. Mash with fork.
Add: 2/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 ¼ cups milk
three beaten eggs (egg substitute works fine)
Two cups all bran cereal
½ cup TVP (of the “Bob’s Red Mill” variety)
Raisins to suit
Let soak for a couple of minutes

Add 1 ¼ cups whole-wheat flour
1 cup (or more, if you like them sweeter) Splenda
1 Tablespoon baking powder
Cinnamon to cover the top of the bowl

Use cooking spray (preferably the “baking” variety with the added flour) and fill a dozen muffin cups (a little overfull is fine). Bake at 400 for about 25 minutes.

Particularly tasty with some of that liquid butter-substitute, hot out of the oven.

These muffins need to be refrigerated (sugar acts a little like a preservative, apparently, because these will mold in a couple days if left out).

Can substitute dried cranberries or diced apple (or both) for raisins.

I’ll figure out the protein / carbs later, but trust me when I say: they’ll do the trick when you’re jonesing for carbs (particularly if you make them a little on the sweet side), and when you’ve eaten one you feel like you’ve eaten something.

I love TVP: instant protein (satiety, remember?) and you can slip it into a lot of things. I’d add equal amounts TVP and water to oatmeal while I was cooking it (hardly notice it, especially if you’re adding Splenda, Raisins and Cinnamon) – about ¼ cup (each) per serving.

Another (I made again last night) is…

Fat-Free Clam Dip
1 cup fat free cottage cheese
1 cup fat free sour cream (gotta’ be the brand in the cow-print container).
2 cans minced clams, mostly (but not completely) drained.
Worcester sauce and Season Salt to taste (maybe a little regular salt, if the season salt is getting to be too much).

Sometimes for variety, I’d add a couple tablespoons of my favorite (sweet) chili sauce (Homade, which despite the evocatively inappropriate-seeming name, is available most everywhere).

Fantastic on cut vegetables.

I'm still busy/distracted, but I'll try to post a couple pancake recipes later.

11 comments:

Claude Scales said...

I'm with you on the Krispy Kremes. When I was in high school, the band had a KK sale every year, so my parents would buy a couple of boxes from a neighbor who played clarinet. Thus they became the madeleine of my teenage years, in addition to being, as you say, delicious.

Thanks for the diet advice. A few years ago, I ballooned up to waist size 38, but recently noticed having to hitch up my pants frequently. I visited Target last week, and was delighted to find that 36 jeans fit, if a bit snugly. I'm determined to keep that fit, as well as to take off some of the abdominal adipose that projects above my waistline.

Good to see you on the board again.

topazz said...

I know not from Krispy Kremes because I'm an Entemann Woman. Chocolate Frosted Donuts, 19 big globs of fat grams in each one.

Make sure you read the date on the box because when they're fresh, well, they just clobber all the competition.

topazz said...

PS I usually break open the box and eat one in the car on the way home.

Heliogabalus said...

There is a Porn movie which title i won't named. but subtitled : "you'd better eat what you fuck".....
And topaz, Please don't tell me that i am so easy to go, all i need is a wink and a.......(remember ?, on Zeus Boy Blog), because you guys started this ....Lol.

Catnapping said...

I remember one summer 30 years ago, buying french crullers from Winchell's donuts...4 or 5 every. morning.

Melt in your mouth...mmmm. mm. cream puffs were always good too. In those days, I could put away 6K calories a day, and not put on a pound. (running 10 to 15 miles a day duz that, ya know...GO Army!)

Those muffins sound delicious. I use splenda...it's what i put in my coffee. Great invention.

Of course, in 20 years we'll all have toe cancer and little aliens living in our ears...but what's that compared to stabbing one's self twice a day with insulin needles?

TenaciousK said...

When I was a kid, it was spudnuts - potato flour doughnuts. I would put those up against a krispy kreme any day.

Spudnuts are long gone. Though I'm a little nostalgic, I'm not really sorry at all. Most of my ancestors are Scandinavian. The Swedes, in particular, know how to do two things well - pickles (or anything pickled) and sweets. Otherwise, well, lets just say Dill is a heavy spice in Europe's extreme north (apparently).

Thanks, Claude - nice to be back. I'll try to swing around more often.

Topazz - you have no idea. Really. Nothing against Entemann's, but really. Hot off the machine. Sugar, lard, and just enough starch to hold it together. Carboheroin.

Helio - I suppose some comment about couples, diet, and sex would be appropriate? Somehow in a thread headlining diet bran muffins, it loses appeal.

Catnapping: Splenda is the greatest thing to hit diet food since cyclamates (unfairly illegal in the US - don't get me started). I love the stuff.

But not everybody does, apparently. Diet Coke with Splenda has gotten downright scarce.

Yep - better living through creative biochemistry. I'd just as soon live with the aliens and toe cancer, as long as I can look good doing it.

Keifus said...

Krispy Kremes are at least edible before they cool. They must use parraffin or something to boil them.

I'm a big believer in eating well (i.e., without this chemically enhanced diet garbage, and a minimum of bizarrely unbalanced nutritional therapies) and exercising. (My very rough guidelines: protein early in the day, and lots of fiber.) It knocked off 40 pounds, but it seems no amount of swimming (up to nearly 2 miles a day, four days a week) can knock off the last ten.

K

august said...

I'm on a yoga regimen. I'll let you know how it works out. It's helped the rut anyway, so (to me) worth doing on those grounds alone.

Dawn Coyote said...

K: I remember seeing something years ago about how swimming wasn't optimal for weight loss. Something about insulation, perhaps? Can't quite remember. Anyway, try running. Just don't try marathon running. Four years later, I don't think it was worth it. Half marathons are sweet, though.

TenaciousK said...

K: Swimming's very good. Sometimes I wonder if calories burned tells the whole story, though; how much does rate of burn affect metabolism, I wonder?

But, I hate age-related stuff (the unpleasant realities of impact-related considerations). I hate not healing like I used to. That feeling of immortality, and if not invincibility, then at least nearly unlimited recovery? Youth really is wasted on the young.

August - I have never been what you could consider flexible. Yoga classes sound like the eighth circle of hell. On the other hand, I've always been sort of envious of you limber types - maybe I should give it a whirl.

Hey Claude - when they see how inflexible I am, you think they'll ask for a doctor's note?

Keifus said...

Dawn: that might have been here, another time I was whining about it. (An order of magnitude more laps since then!) The ladies appear to have been right.

Dawn & TK: though I'm considering jogging again, at least until my elbow stops hurting and my knee starts.

august: yoga, and donuts so good you'll suck dick. There's a joke in there. I'll spare you.

K (who doesn't wish they were that flexible?)