Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Ann Coulter Is A Cunt

Conservative Pundit Fists Self With Foot In Mouth
•Liberals Belie Hypocrisy And Play Fag Card
NEWSFLASH: ANNA NICOLE STILL DEAD
And Jesus Busted A Gut

Sorry. Are we banning the "c-word" as well now?

I don't mean that pejoratively. Well, I suppose I do. But she really is one. She's a veritable poster child for cunthood. And she's proud of it; she owns it. That's one of the things that make her so compelling to so many people. Never underestimate the power of The Almighty Cunt.

"Faggot" may indeed be the new "nigger", but it definitely is not the new f-word". No way.

The left really blew a golden opportunity to get some pre-election footing. But what did they do? They whined. It seems to be their default position, which would go a long way in explaining why they always seem to start any race (baiting) 3 lengths behind the pack. They may as well have issued a party-wide press release that said nothing more than

To: whom it may concern
From: Democrats
Subject: Sticks and Stones

Republicans are really mean name-callers. And they should stop it. Right now! Shut up! We as Democrats are indescribably sick and tired of being portrayed as the pussies we actually are. We're fed up. Y'all are meanie dumbo heads!
If (that faggot) Edwards (and all liberals in general) had just kept his mouth (and their mouths) shut and let poor Ann and the other apologizing right wingers throw themselves on the mercy of the court of public opinion, there's a pretty good chance she would have gone the way of Michael Richards and Mel Gibson. At least for a little while. (Though it seems no matter what he says, Mel doesn't appear to be going anywhere.) She'll never go entirely away because, well, behold the power of The Almighty Cunt.

The ultimate punch line here is, of course, that the "faggot" bit she performed was simply an R-rated version of something you'd hear in a David Letterman monologue. It's just not as funny. Or subtle. Or smart.

And how does the Edwards camp respond? "No I'm not. You are!"

Yeah. Well done. Faggot.

So, because I'm feeling so generous this week, as a public service to John Edwards, this is what he should've said at a press conference almost immediately after Ann blurted out "the sexual slur that dare not speak its name":

You know, I've seen a lot of things over the course of the last four years, and I've met a lot of people. But the only thing keeping Ann Coulter from being a complete and total cunt is the simple fact that she may or may not be a man. I mean, really. I wouldn't fuck her with your trouser snake.

Me, a faggot?! Man! You suck one cock on the campaign trail and all of a sudden you're queerer than Andy Dick in Brazilian tango shoes at a Cher concert.

I don't blame Ann. I just don't understand as a liberal why I hate America so much. Maybe it's not so much that I hate America as that I hate Americans. Especially the darker-skinned ones. But when you're pandering to an audience of poor, Southern, disenfranchised blacks, you can't always nail all of the high notes, especially if it's a call-and-response hymn. At least
my accent was authentic. You gotta give me that.

She's just jealous because I have better highlights than she does. And mine are au naturelle. If peroxide were a fossil fuel, you could power Southern California with her bangs alone.

Hey Ann: Is that an Adam's Apple in your throat or are you just happy to have a dick in your pocket? Pick a side and quit living a lie! Cross-dressers are people too, you know. It's only a matter of time till guys stop buying the "Oh, that's not a penis; I just have a really large clitoris" routine. For shame! But you were great in
Transamerica.

Whatever. As you know, you go to the bedroom with the genitals you have. They're not the genitals you might want or wish to have at a later time. That's just "Human Nature 101". But once you get to the "graduate-level courses", the "teaching assistants" may not be nearly as "forgiving" when it comes to "grammatical errors", if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

You know, I like Ann. I really do. She makes Hillary look more effeminate than Orlando Bloom. You try doing that in high heels and a tool belt. She's one step away from going on tour with Melissa Etheridge.

Oh, and Karen Carpenter called; she wants her amphetamines back. ASAP.

I suppose I could be offended at having been called a faggot. But I think I'd rather be called a faggot than have tits that look like fried eggs. They give a whole new meaning to the phrase "over easy". Yuck. I'll have mine scrambled, thank you very much.

Buck up, Ann. Lipstick lesbians, or whatever you are, may have a tough row to hoe. But consider this: You'll have the cleanest carpet in town. Literally.


&c., and so on and so forth, with things of that nature.

So, Democrats? The longer all y'all keep acting like a doormat, the more people will be inclined to call you, well, a doormat. Self-fulfilling prophecies are prophetic for a reason, and demanding to be treated with dignity and respect isn't just for wounded Iraq veterans anymore. You've got a lot of catching up to do. No ditching.

3 comments:

felinus snoringus said...

ditto.

JohnMcG said...

Nothing would surprise me about Coulter. Nothing.

Sometimes, I tell myself that she's actually a Democrat who uses her public persona to enrich herself and expose the uglier side of the right.

Has she ever persuaded anyone who was inclined to disagree with her?

Heliogabalus said...

I respectfully disagree with the characterization of Coulter as a cunt.
I consider that an insult to Woman genitalia.....