Blogging NBC's The Biggest Loser: Week 3-ish

NBC Reality Show Makes Losing Weight Painful, Demoralizing
HUGE PEOPLE WITH COMBINED WEIGHT OF 63,966 POUNDS ALL IN ONE PLACE CAUSES EARTH TO SHIFT ORBIT, BUSH BLAMED
[Don't] Let Them Eat Cake

Don't laugh. You'd be embarrassed too if your weight was displayed on a screen that's visible from the space station. Anyways, you know the routine: Straight to the highlights reel.

-Oh great: Another recap show of footage that i've seen 7 times already.

-Phenomenal host change choice. Allison Sweeney is quite the hottie.

-Great theme song.

-I'm uncomfortably attracted to Bob Harper.

-All that food. All that temptation. The equivalent for me would be if they were to trap me in a chamber while I'm sucking on a beer tap like a pacifier while sitting on a bale of weed inside a fort I've made out of cartons of Camels inside of which I'm broiling a T-bone over jasmine tinged coals while my hearts 'o'romaine lettuce soak in liquid morphine.

-Did she just say that she was in "hog heaven"? On national TV where it's being heard by dozens of loyal fans of the show?

-Doing dances while eating if you're fat is not sexy.

-Watching fat people sprint is unsettling because they look like they could come right through the screen and raid the fridge, not to mention various parts of their bodies appear nightmarishly elastic. (I guess, under the circumstances, they'd have to be.)

-Crying. Vomiting. It's all here, folks. In spades. (On the show, too, now that you mention it.)

-Where does Bob get his pants? Those would look good on me.

-Humilation sprints by grade schoolers and a kindergarten cypher? Is it sweeps week already? Or is this a inter-network tie-in with CBS's Kid Nation?

-I need some counter-measures. Where's my 300 DVD?

-I wish Keifus were my neighbor. If this is the point in the post where K thinks, "Asshole. He's just thinking of me because he knows I struggle a bit with my weight. Douchebag!" No. I think of K because he'd be a great neighbor. He'd let me sneak one his bears while he fixed the roof on my shed. That sort of fella.

-This Bob Harper feeling? Not good.

-During commercial breaks, they give away money to veiwers if they can guess how many calories the one gal ate. During these breaks, I kept hollering, "Two hundred thousand nine hundred and seventy-four!!!" Hey, the dogs thought it was funny.

-Kim Lyons, though too muscular and too short? Yum! And she has perfect bone structure. Jillian, however, when she smiles looks like the flying bug dude trying to hock 4th-rate used parts to Qui-Gon Jinn on Tatooine. Seriously.

-[heart] Bob Harper [heart]

I don't think it's wise for me to be making fun of these people. Because it's just this kind of negative mojo that would get me involved in spearheading FOX's new reality based show, Cold Turkey. Yikes!