Blogging Gregoire Bouillier's The Mystery Guest

Various & Sundry Thoughts And Whatnot That Popped Into My Head Whilst Reading This Charming Little Novella That I Decided To Share With The Group

[!!!Warning!!! I actually read it. The whole thing. All the way to the end. Carefully even, at times. !!!Warning!!!]

-Okay, dude, seriously: Get out of my head.

-I gave you-know-who(m) a very expensive bottle of Italian wine for her birthday. This sucks.

-She kissed you? Cunt.

-What kind of deranged lunatic doesn't open her birthday gifts but, instead, puts them on display and photographs the unopened gifts and then makes money by holding a show where she displays photographs of birthday gifts (presumably she's been doing this for awhile so there's probably dozens of them) she's never opened? Answer: An insane freakshow retard. This is why I hate artists so much again. (Not really. So much.)

-That's about the 39th time you've said, "...as they say..." What gives? Who are "they" and why do they "say" it like that? Be specific.

-Tear her face off! Do it! Do it now! Tear her face off!

-French people must be cooler than Americans because they don't make you go outside to smoke at a party.

-"I have no memory of what we said, none at all, since in that moment all I could listen to was her face." Kinda corny, and a touch on the cliche-esque side. But I still liked it.

-Hit on the birthday girl! Do it! Do it now! She's practically throwing herself at you! Hit on her after you've torn your ex's face off!

-Yeah, I guess I'd need a drink too if I thought roses were trying to send secret radio signals to my brain at a birthday party at which I'd just given a complete and total stranger a $400 bottle of ripple that she's never going to enjoy because she's an insane lunatic who doesn't open birthday presents. In fact, I'd need about 19 drinks. Here's a tip, Frenchy la Stinkyberg: Have a couple few belts at the house before you head out to be eviscerated by the one true love of your life. It dulls the pain while helping you to remember it all the while.

-Another tip: Shooting 7 glasses of champagne and then tearing some society whore a new one probably isn't the best way to get invited back, not that you'd want to be invited back. It's just that it's been my experience that sometimes it's best to burn the bridge after you've crossed it, as opposed to, say, while you're still making your away across the chasm it spans. Just spitballing here.

-[tap tap tap] [feedback] PAGING EMBRYO-EATING ALIEN SPACE ZOMBIES FROM ANOTHER PLANET... PAGING EMBRYO-EATING ALIEN SPACE ZOMBIES FROM ANOTHER PLANET... YOU'RE DESPERATELY NEEDED AT A PARTY SOMEWHERE JUST OUTSIDE OF PARIS... PAGING EMBRYO-EATING ALIEN SPACE ZOMBIES FROM ANOTHER PLANET... (or from another book...)

-Uhh... Who's the epileptic gay guy in the Panama hat? What did I miss again?

-Oh. Nevermind. (Fucking French.)

-I wore turtlenecks in college. Or was it high school?

-Well, I guess at least we could be a little bit grateful that the book that left such a strong and long-standing effect on her wasn't Hollywood Wives, Jackie Collins' wonderful sendup of everything behind the scenes in 1980s fake movie-related off-camera hijinks, and an even better 2-part mini-series. I mean, really: "I committed the ultimate Hollywood sin -- I got older." Feel the wrath and tingle of its massive, unmitigated star power!

-The light bulb in my overhead kitchen fixture has been out for at least 6 weeks. What can I say; the days in the summer down here are so long and I've just been opening the refrigerator when I need to find something. Still, this is getting creepily ridiculous.

-That's 4,983 uses of the phrase "as they say". And counting. Also, flashed on the first Star Trek movie and V**GER. I want that probe.

-Wait. So he ends up with crazy non-gift-opening picture lady? They deserve each other, if you ask me.

The End