Thursday, October 04, 2007

Southern Black Entitlement

Uppity Negroes Set Civil Rights Movement Back 40 Years And Counting
City Fathers Call For A Return To Separate But Unequal ASAP
Sharpton, Jackson Set To Protest Themselves, Stir Up WASP's Nests

Ever hear one of those stories on your local news that leaves you with nothing but the ability to say, "Uh. Wait. What?"

Sometime in late August, Kathleen Bullard, African-American, mother, lover of ice, was allegedly assaulted in and/or around the Eastlake Texaco And Deli by its owner, Ty Nguyen, Asian, father, purveyor of ice. The alleged assault occurred on account of the fact that Bullard may or may not have been caught stealing a bag of ice. Again.

Nguyen claims she assaulted him when he confronted her about the allegedly stolen ice and that he was merely defending himself.

It gets real hot down here. And apparently we're running out of ice everywhere around the world. So this is a real global affair, not to mention a hot (Wink!) button issue.

(Here's a tip, Kathleen: Putting water into small cube-like containers and then putting that in your freezer at home makes ice! Wonderful stuff.)

Reliable witnesses (i.e., white people who live in the neighborhood [okay, white trash people to the core who live in the neighborhood]) say that, yes, indeed, Bullard did attack our vowel-challenge named oriental business owner first, and that he was just defending himself. In fact, if I heard right, she was actually attacking him with the allegedly filched ice. And I'm thinking, What, did she grab one of those giant Slim Jims, tie it off at the bottom of the bag of ice and start using it like a medieval flail? I just hope there isn't a series of ice attacks and copycat crimes. Good thing Summer's over and the heat wave finally broke.

Very shortly after the alleged assault by whomever on whomever, black people from around the neighborhood began to protest outside the store because of the alleged violence in their neighborhood, perpetrated by these slant-eyed ne'er-do-well, tax paying, license paying store owners. Protesting so much so that commerce at the store was interrupted. Note: Eastlake is heavily black, in both senses, and it appeared most of the protesters were heavyset black women.

The Birmingham city council, in all its massive wisdom, convened an emergency meeting. Black person after black person, again, mostly female, stepped up to the microphone and ranted about being black and by virtue of being black it was their right to yammer on and on and on about being black, all the while speaking neither to the issue of the alleged assault nor the alleged attempted robbery nor about the fact that the store owner, if not lying, certainly had a right to defend himself and his legal property, in this case the all to valuable bags of ice, all the while yammering on and on and on with great passion and to much enthusiastic applause about how they were tired of all the crime happening in Eastlake, some of which took place inside the Texaco and outside the Texaco, much of which had been at the expense of the store owner, who had reported the trouble to the police, who'd received almost 20 reports of occasions of various crimes in and around the vicinity of the Eastlake Texaco And Deli.

Clearly they were after justice. Or something. Nothing at this point had been proved, mind you. These were merely allegations. People who weren't even at the scene were barking out demands like short order cooks and calling for prosecution and equal rights under the law. Or something. Everyone was jumping madly to conclusions.

So the city council, in its vast embrace of knowledge and reason free from passion, jumped right along with them and ultimately decided to revoke our little yellow devil's business license before pressing criminal charges. And the Eastlake Texaco And Deli was closed for business.

Get it? An angry group of people demand that a business be taken away from a tax and fee and license paying citizen because of something they heard was being alleged, and the government goes ahead and does it.

I'm no history of civil rights expert by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm pretty confident that's not what Rosa had in mind when she kept her seat.

I can only presume that most of the protesters and testifiers were black women because I assume the black men were more concerned about just where the hell they were going to buy their malt liquor now.

Don't get me wrong: Hu Phlung Poo's no saint. He's even got a record, assaulting some kid in 2001, probably because he was stealing malt liquor for his absent father.

But I gotta hand it to this gal, bringing ice to a Hun fight. These aren't your father's civil rights. If Kathleen Bullard did steal that ice, then a thief ruined the lives of reasonably decent folks trying to make a living. Except the thief isn't Bullard. It's our government. Again.

Which goes to show you that no matter who's in the true minority at any given point down here in The Deep South, black victimhood trumps any other race's every time. And I don't think Malcolm X, genius and hero, whose name the lame protesters took in vain, would approve.